Lewis Black
Lewis Black is by some, perceived as an angry Jewish Catholic Jewish Sometimes-Jewish or Sometimes-Catholic Comedian (depending on the which Rabbi or Priest he is angry at, at the moment). But more importantly, he is a comedian, playwrite, actor, activist, sharpshooter, flails his hands when he speaks, and does a few odds and ends around the house. He mostly shows extreme dislike for everyone but after careful investigation, this writer discovered he does like dark haired women with big boobs and smart people. (I learned the smart people he did like were dead geniuses who lived before the world had color). Beginnings (For Those Interested In So Called Facts) Lewis Black was born in Washington, D.C. and was raised in Silver Spring, Maryland, showing in a small way, that he was destined for second ratedness. But that was not the only thing that held Lewis back. Being born on August 30, 1948 of Jewish parents made him a Virgo (The Sign of people destined to remain Virgins -as evidence, he has never married and has no children- no wonder he is so angry) But If he had remained in DC -The Capitol of the greatest Nation that God Gave the world- or If he had been born in Golden Springs, Colorado (for example) by parents who believed in Jesus under a more powerful Sun Sign like Leo or Taurus- well, there may have been some hope for little Lewis. Rumors & Speculation An insider who refused to be named suggested that he could be emulating our Illustrious Stephen. After all, he was born in D.C. like Stephen was, he claims to be a Catholic sometimes (at other times claims to be Jewish) he claims Ireland as his favorite home away from Home (so obviously he has some longing for the Irish lineage) and also like Stephen, anger IS a part of Lewis' charm. Apparently his anger and enragedness comes naturally. A few years ago he hosted A Comedy Cruise Tour, For his opening monologue he appeared as an approaching Great White Shark. Drugs, Booze, & The Fine Points Of Engraginess Like many of us, he spent several of his college years partying, whoopin it up, and in general, slacking off. I'm not sure which kind of partying, but I'm pretty sure some boozing and drugs were... *shrugs* Inhaled? (For those into books and curious for a full biography, please refer to any of his books available at Amazon and anywhere books are sold) You may know him from seeing his segment Back In Black from The Daily Show. Nobody actually knows how long he's had the segment, but it is believed that was where he learned to shout and perfect his enragement. As we all know, Stephen is the master of Enraginess and it is rumored that Lewis Black was an early participant of Stephen's 5 Step Enraginess Program: (Currently taught at Colbert University) "You Can't Shout Loud Enough!" And Lewis has been Screaming ever since. Politics & Tea According to the rare text the Lewis Blackipedia, it's not that he dislikes Politicians, he simply has stated that they are all a bunch of donkey humping ███████ and elephant wielding ███████ ███████ crotch sipping teabagging ███████ drinking tea and praying to their ███████ oil run ███████ They don't know good coffee from ███████ ███████ and good food to them is sausage on a chocolate chipped ███████ And the rest I really can't print. The Hate List (Here's a thought- Might want to use Back In Black segments for this) * Greatest President Ever * The Vice President * Health clubs * Stupid people * The Super Bowl * The inventor of "wind chill" * Airplanes * New Zealand * Politicians * People in general. (Calls us "meat with eyes") *Embarrassing Theater Brigade Black Facts *Forces his parents to attend his comedy shows, to embarrass them as payback for his shitty childhood *Says his upbringing was middle class--an obvious lie, since he's a Jew *Will take time out from his Jewey, Jewey day to explain Christianity to any Gentile who asks *Eats baby carrots *Got his own show on Comedy Central which jumped the shark on its debut *His Nickname In Junior High was Thpptt Future Unless he submits to Jesus, he will spend two eternities in hell. Christians can interpret the Old Testament all they want. External Links Root of all Evil